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Democracy, bitches!

Wednesday, November 5th, 2008

Barack Obama has been the target of a whole lot of mud-slinging in the past few months. While that’s not unusual in presidential elections, I dare say that it’s unusual to sink to such desperate lows as labeling the opponent as the antichrist and a terrorist. The worst part is that there are actually a whole lot of people who bought that crap.

Well, despite all of the negative campaigning, I am happy to say that we will be referring to Barack Obama as “Mr. President” before too long.

The following is a list of phrases that I intend to use at frequent intervals:

  • “Suck it, cons.”
  • “Democracy, bitches!”
  • “This is for the past eight years.” (Followed by a severe beating.)

In all seriousness, it’s pretty awesome that I can say that I participated in this historic event. Whether or not you’re still quibbling over just how black Barack Obama is, his victory shows that America isn’t just a bunch of racist rednecks. In fact, they’re the minority.

I’m looking forward to finding out just how Fox “News” reacts to this turn of events. With any luck, their reaction will be sudden implosion. For now, though, I must sleep.

Start packing your shit, George.

What’s new?

Saturday, November 1st, 2008

1. Guinness Draught tastes like the belabored piss of a deranged lab rat with a secret cocaine addiction and his fair share of STDs.

2. Since a Joker costume can get damn expensive, I decided to put my Monroeville Zombies hockey jersey to good use and dress up as a zombified hockey player for Halloween. I took a picture of my face using my cell phone.

3. I’ve started up my Netflix account again. I am currently watching the first seasons of Dexter, Extras, and Torchwood. Good stuff all around.

4. November is shaping up to be a good month for me. I’ll be turning 23 on the 19th, and I’ve got a $400 deposit from Verizon Wireless heading my way this month as well. Woot!

5. I’ve returned to Candy Mountain.

Thank you, spammers!

Sunday, September 21st, 2008

This blog gets a whole lot of comments from spambots. Up until now, the authors’ names have been a load of gibberish. Now they’re using actual names, probably in an attempt to bypass the spam filters, and all I have to say is this:

Thank you, spammers!

While I enjoy writing, I am terrible at coming up with names. I don’t know how you come up with these names, but they’re pretty damn good! Sure, some of them are cheesy, but I’m sure that I can mix and match the first and last names to come up with something.

Anyway, keep ‘em coming! I’ve got twenty-five written down so far. That’s got to be enough for at least three short stories.

A plethora of weird dreams

Friday, September 12th, 2008

There are some days where I wake up and just vaguely remember some of the dreams that I had. This morning, I woke up with a pretty clear memory of most of them.

The first one that I can remember involved something eclipsing the sun. I looked up briefly when I noticed that it had gone from day to night in mere seconds, and I noticed the corona surrounding a black circle. Remembering that it’s not safe to look directly into a solar eclipse, I looked away. That’s all I can remember about that dream.

My next dream actually began with me waking up in a fast food restaurant. I had been sleeping on one of the booth benches. It became apparent that I worked there when I wandered behind the counter. One of the other employees, a girl, greeted me and asked me if I had been sleeping in the restaurant overnight. I said “yep” or something along those lines, and I went off to the bathroom.

Here’s where things get weird.

After sitting on the toilet for a few moments, an old lady came into the bathroom because she noticed that I worked there and had some questions. I can’t remember for the life of me what it was that she wanted to ask me, but that might have something to do with the fact that she came right into my stall. I clearly remember what it was that I said to her, because, despite the awkward circumstances, I probably would have found something a bit more diplomatic to say in the real world than this:

“Bitch, can’t you see I’m doing something here?!”

She gave me a harsh look, as if to say “you’re so fired” and promptly shuffled out of the bathroom to tell my boss. I remember being horrified by the fact that I’d spoken to a customer so rudely, and sure enough my boss was waiting for me when I left the bathroom. She told me that she just received the complaint, and the first thing out of my mouth was that I had no idea why I said it. Clearly, I did know why I said it. That just sounded like the best thing to say at the moment. So, my boss started to chastise me, saying something like “you know, this reminds me of the time when you…” and she trailed off from there. I can’t remember anything else about that dream.

The last dream that I had is a little fuzzy near the beginning. I remember being backstage in some theater, and I took a hole puncher to my own nose. It left a gaping hole just above my right nostril. There was no blood, and the hole closed up almost completely moments later. Then, suddenly, I was on stage during the live performance of Night of the Living Dead. The only other person on stage was some white guy, and we spent the duration of the play opening doors, letting “zombies” in, and “killing” them from behind props. I asked one of the actors if we were doing it right while we were huddled behind a couch. When we emerged, we found that the audience had gone to a much nicer theater just next door.

Having befriended one of my fellow actors, an indian fellow with a full head of brown hair, we went to the adjacent theater and confirmed that it was far better than our small theater. This theater could seat a thousand at least, and it was very easy to get lost. Of course, my friend and I got seperated, and I spent a while searching for him. I remember trying to jump up to one of the higher balconies from a staircase, but I fell and was met by a beautiful woman, also indian but with a full head of black hair, who turned out to be an usher. I told her that I was looking for my friend, and he suddenly appeared and waved me over. After we left the theater, I woke up.

The only thing that I learned from all of this is that a group of dreams are called a plethora. At least, that’s my official ruling.

Hey, Fay!

Saturday, August 16th, 2008

It seems that a tropical storm by the name of Fay could be coming to Bradenton pretty soon, and it could turn into a full-blown hurricane. So, that’s bad news. I don’t know if I’m going to have to leave town for a while, or if I’m going to miss work because they don’t know if they’re going to close down or not.

It’s a major pain in the ass. I’ll post an update on this topic if the situation escalates.

Update: We’re in the clear. In fact, we didn’t even get any rain here. It’s just really cloudy with a few brief gusts of wind. I love this weather.

First post!

Friday, May 23rd, 2008

Welcome to the first post of my web log, which shall be referred to as a “blog” from here on out. This was formerly a zombie blog, but now it’s just a Shawn blog. However, I’m still a big fan of zombie stuff, so you’re bound to read about zombies here every once in a while.