Well, despite all of the negative campaigning, I am happy to say that we will be referring to Barack Obama as “Mr. President” before too long.

The following is a list of phrases that I intend to use at frequent intervals:

• “Suck it, cons.”
• “Democracy, bitches!”
• “This is for the past eight years.” (Followed by a severe beating.)

In all seriousness, it’s pretty awesome that I can say that I participated in this historic event. Whether or not you’re still quibbling over just how black Barack Obama is, his victory shows that America isn’t just a bunch of racist rednecks. In fact, they’re the minority.

I’m looking forward to finding out just how Fox “News” reacts to this turn of events. With any luck, their reaction will be sudden implosion. For now, though, I must sleep.

Start packing your shit, George.

2. Since a Joker costume can get damn expensive, I decided to put my Monroeville Zombies hockey jersey to good use and dress up as a zombified hockey player for Halloween. I took a picture of my face using my cell phone.

3. I’ve started up my Netflix account again. I am currently watching the first seasons of Dexter, Extras, and Torchwood. Good stuff all around.

4. November is shaping up to be a good month for me. I’ll be turning 23 on the 19th, and I’ve got a $400 deposit from Verizon Wireless heading my way this month as well. Woot!

5. I’ve returned to Candy Mountain.

What’s next? An American version of Doctor Who with David Schwimmer as the Doctor? How about a bunch of talentless stand-up “comedians” coming together as the American Monty Python’s Flying Circus?

I wouldn’t be so pissed off if original shows like Firefly could actually get past season one.

Thank you, spammers!

While I enjoy writing, I am terrible at coming up with names. I don’t know how you come up with these names, but they’re pretty damn good! Sure, some of them are cheesy, but I’m sure that I can mix and match the first and last names to come up with something.

Anyway, keep ‘em coming! I’ve got twenty-five written down so far. That’s got to be enough for at least three short stories.

The first one that I can remember involved something eclipsing the sun. I looked up briefly when I noticed that it had gone from day to night in mere seconds, and I noticed the corona surrounding a black circle. Remembering that it’s not safe to look directly into a solar eclipse, I looked away. That’s all I can remember about that dream.

My next dream actually began with me waking up in a fast food restaurant. I had been sleeping on one of the booth benches. It became apparent that I worked there when I wandered behind the counter. One of the other employees, a girl, greeted me and asked me if I had been sleeping in the restaurant overnight. I said “yep” or something along those lines, and I went off to the bathroom.

Here’s where things get weird.

After sitting on the toilet for a few moments, an old lady came into the bathroom because she noticed that I worked there and had some questions. I can’t remember for the life of me what it was that she wanted to ask me, but that might have something to do with the fact that she came right into my stall. I clearly remember what it was that I said to her, because, despite the awkward circumstances, I probably would have found something a bit more diplomatic to say in the real world than this:

“Bitch, can’t you see I’m doing something here?!”

She gave me a harsh look, as if to say “you’re so fired” and promptly shuffled out of the bathroom to tell my boss. I remember being horrified by the fact that I’d spoken to a customer so rudely, and sure enough my boss was waiting for me when I left the bathroom. She told me that she just received the complaint, and the first thing out of my mouth was that I had no idea why I said it. Clearly, I did know why I said it. That just sounded like the best thing to say at the moment. So, my boss started to chastise me, saying something like “you know, this reminds me of the time when you…” and she trailed off from there. I can’t remember anything else about that dream.

The last dream that I had is a little fuzzy near the beginning. I remember being backstage in some theater, and I took a hole puncher to my own nose. It left a gaping hole just above my right nostril. There was no blood, and the hole closed up almost completely moments later. Then, suddenly, I was on stage during the live performance of Night of the Living Dead. The only other person on stage was some white guy, and we spent the duration of the play opening doors, letting “zombies” in, and “killing” them from behind props. I asked one of the actors if we were doing it right while we were huddled behind a couch. When we emerged, we found that the audience had gone to a much nicer theater just next door.

Having befriended one of my fellow actors, an indian fellow with a full head of brown hair, we went to the adjacent theater and confirmed that it was far better than our small theater. This theater could seat a thousand at least, and it was very easy to get lost. Of course, my friend and I got seperated, and I spent a while searching for him. I remember trying to jump up to one of the higher balconies from a staircase, but I fell and was met by a beautiful woman, also indian but with a full head of black hair, who turned out to be an usher. I told her that I was looking for my friend, and he suddenly appeared and waved me over. After we left the theater, I woke up.

The only thing that I learned from all of this is that a group of dreams are called a plethora. At least, that’s my official ruling.

“There should be children in Liberty City. Where are they?”

“Why, do you want to maim and mangle them, too?”

I had to pause for a moment to ponder that one. I mean, it’s not so much that I want to, but for the sake of realism…

Yeah, the title of this post pretty much sums it up.

Now that the origin story is out of the way, The Dark Knight is free to spend a whopping two hours and thirty two minutes on the villains. That’s right, I’m in it for the bad guys. Christian Bale does a great job as Bruce Wayne, and he’s okay as Batman as well if you’re willing to forgive the “scary voice” that he adopts, but he had his time in the spotlight back in Batman Begins. As far as I’m concerned, The Dark Knight is all about the Joker and Two-Face.

Metaphorically speaking, Heath Ledger has bitch-slapped Jack Nicholson, thrown him to the ground very roughly, and usurped his throne as the Clown Prince of Crime, forever. That’s my opinion, anyway. His portrayal of the Joker is chilling; the trademark suit is disheveled, the make-up is sloppy yet sinister, and he’s absolutely bat-shit bonkers to boot if you’ll pardon the weak pun. Basically, the movie revolves around his rise to power amongst the criminal element of Gotham City and the havoc that he begins to wreak immediately thereafter. I found myself laughing at his antics several times, much to the bewilderment of the people around me.

In regards to Aaron Eckhart’s performance as Harvey Dent, the man is just perfect for legal roles. First Thank You For Smoking, now this. He’s very likable as Harvey Dent, Gotham City’s white knight district attorney. As Two-Face, he’s perfect. Anyone who has been subjected to Tommy Lee Jones’ portrayal of Two-Face might think that there’s nothing more to the character than a burnt face and the occasional coin toss. It just goes to show that a little character development can make the transformation from average person to villain so much more satisfying.

In closing, my entire reason for seeing The Dark Knight was, and still is, the Joker. It really does feel like he steals the entire movie from underneath Batman. I honestly don’t know if this would be considered a bad thing to anyone else, as I can only speak for myself. All I can say is that there never was a point in The Dark Knight where I thought that the movie was going on too long, which to me is a sign that they’re finally doing things right.

Speaking of which, I decided to watch Batman Begins again, and I was able to appreciate it for what it is the second time around: an origin story. The villains almost had to take a backseat to Batman, although I still maintain that Ra’s Al Ghul is a boring nemesis. The scarecrow bits were okay, albeit short-lived. I even went out and bought the single-disc DVD because I found it for roughly nine dollars.

It’s a major pain in the ass. I’ll post an update on this topic if the situation escalates.

Update: We’re in the clear. In fact, we didn’t even get any rain here. It’s just really cloudy with a few brief gusts of wind. I love this weather.

I’ve signed up for a drawing class, which will begin on August 15th. In the meantime, I’ve been messing around with various doodles and whatnot. The following is the first presentable draft of my super villain, Master Mind!

The First Draft

Master Mind, also known as the Totalitarian Terror, uses his knowledge of the occult and science to command armies of unwilling servants. Not much else about him is detailed yet. I don’t know what his real name is, I don’t know why he’s evil, and I don’t know who he does combat with. I’ll be working on him more in the months to come.

If you have any suggestions, feel free to comment.

There is a bit where John Leguizamo’s character, Cholo, confronts Dennis Hopper’s character, Mr. Kaufman. Here is what Cholo very clearly said:

“… so you better fucking let me in and give me a nice place.”

Given the context of the scene, it makes perfect sense. Now, here is what the fine people who write up the subtitles apparently heard.

“… she beat the fuck out of me and then gave me a nice place.”

This works on absolutely zero levels. I tried listening to it several times in an attempt to trick myself into hearing it. No such luck. Let’s pretend for a moment that I did hear him say that, though. It just doesn’t make sense. Even still, if we do go the lengths to assume that there is some mystery woman who delights in pummeling men only to immediately furnish them with lavish apartments, why would this interesting anecdote come up during a heated debate?

This is, of course, of absolutely no relevance to anything at all. I just wanted to share all of this with anyone bored enough to read it. If you own Land of the Dead on DVD, check it out. Please let me know if you find any other amusing mistakes!